FFL, srsly

so yeah, i'm doing fantasy football this year. scroll down to cut the crap and see my lineup.
so i just learned the rules of football from kz last season (i mean, i knew what a touchdown was, but i liked to call out "quarterback sack!" for everything short of an incomplete pass, because i liked calling that out, too; and then there were the continuous "tight end" jokes with brz). i got really into the superbowl last year and was named a blood-traitor by the rest of my giants-loving family (i mean, we are from NY) when i rooted for my local pats and sported my randy moss jersey everywhere. we had a party, and i made too little chili, and it was lots of fun, especially when it looked like we had those fuckers SEWN UP i tell you, and then all of a sudden we fucking LOST. and everyone went home early, dejected, souls deflated, silenced by their own misery. and my brother called and left me an elated, ranting voicemail i still have saved on my phone, as retribution for the smack-talking phone call i'd visited upon him on the morning of game day.

this year when the dudes in my lab offered to let me in their league, i jumped at the chance. i knew brz would be playing with his office mates, so i knew i'd be sitting through these games anyway and i figured it would be fun do to with some camaraderie (or better yet, some heated competition). anyone who knows me knows that if i decide to do something, i read up on it first and try to be awesome at it as soon as possible. so i tore out a FFL guide from the ESPN magazine in the waiting room of sports medicine, which i kept with me like a love letter for a week. i read some articles from a multitude of sites to get an overview; then i focused on the draft strategy, since i had to make it through that first. i came home with pages of my own cheat sheets, which i prompty showed off to brz and let him borrow when he made his own draft.

the day of the draft, i sweated through a mock draft on the ESPN server and was clicking my pen and shaking my knees like a crack addict. i did well and figured out how to use the software - i was ready. at draft time (7 pm) i ate a rushed dinner and logged in 20 min early; i knew randy moss would be mine no matter what - i had 4th pick out of 12 teams, and i doubted anybody else would draft a WR in the first round. indeed, he was mine.

that turned out to be the easiest part. the mid to last half of the draft saw a 45-min long spike in my blood pressure as i began muttering to myself, yelling at poor brz as he tried to eat his dinner mere feet from my cyclone of strategic fervor - tossing papers everywhere, searching for bye-week charts, screaming in rage when my next pick was swept out from under me a mere 2 turns ahead of me; these were my sleepers! how did they know??

probably because they read the same articles i did.

anyway, here's what i wound up with for Team SGT SLAUGHTER:

QB matt hasselbeck (SEA)
RB ryan grant (GB)
RB edgerrin james (ARI)
RB/WR reggie bush (NO)
WR RANDY FUCKING MOSS (NE)
WR santana moss (WA)

TE jeremy shockey (NO)
D titans
K josh scobee (JAC)

bench:
QB jason campbell (WA)
RB deangelo williams (CAR)
WR dante stallworth (CLE)
WR eddie royal (DEN)
TE tony scheffler (DEN)
RB kolby smith (KC) (i'd had NYG's derrick ward, but i just learned about depth charts this morning, and 3rd RB sounds like < 2nd RB, so...i picked smith up out of the free agents this morning)

so anyway, while of course i'd love to be legit awesome at FF, at least i'm doing it and i'll learn more about football in the process. and probably have more sex, pizza, and beer as part of sports-induced spousal bonding. i think it's a swell idea!!