monday: a montage

so i've fallen off the face of the earth, first because i was preparing for qualifying, then because i was qualifying, then because i had just qualified and had a permi-hangover, then because i was doing all the shit i didn't do but should have been doing when i was qualifying...

and then i got sucked into the vortex of facebook, a fact which i can no longer deny. so it's been nothing but tagging mobile photos, scrabulous, and bumper stickers. you haven't missed anything.

but today sucked so righteously and i felt verbally constipated with my desire to describe why; then i realized i was missing my major bitch outlet: my blog. so here you go.

1) i got up at 6 am to finish working on a presentation scheduled for 9 am at school. true, i could have been working on this yesterday rather than sampling bbq ribs in government center and tossing back bud light lime like gatorade, but let's press on.

2) little mexican men were at my sliding glass door, prepping to powerwash at 7 am. glad i was wearing pants.

3) the dog went crazy (what dog has ever found little mexican men to be a calming presence?). i did not get that much work done.

4) i was running late, as i am wont to do, especially on a monday, especially after flying home and not unpacking.

5) i lost my ID badge so i had to hit up brz for $$ so i could park at school.

6) i drove through the shittiest storm ever, on my mixture of bald summer and bald snow tires. recall i was running late.

7) i got soaked to mid-thigh sprinting through the flooded streets and into the building in hopes of protecting my laptop in the deluge.

8) my presentation sucked. it was 2 hours of crap. but first my boss made everyone wait while i went and ran off 10 copies of a 14 page paper for everyone. at least the first 15 minutes were productive.

9) i had two things to go do at lunch: pick up my birth control and go get new tires. i forgot how to count and left school too late to run both my errands. now my ovaries are screaming at me and my pharmacist wonders why i called her 6 hours ago and begged her to fill my Rx as fast as she could.

10) i forgot i lost my ID and had to waste 15 min walking back to the cashier to pay with my parking ticket. i was running even later!

11) on the way to the tire store, my brand new $25 sigg bottle (bisphenol A-free) leaked 1 liter of fresh spring water all over my passenger seat.

12) and all over the directions.

13) and all over my brand new powder-blue purse, which bloomed with new stains from leeching of an unknown brown substance on my wet seat. hmm.

14) i got so quietly involved in my crossword puzzle, nobody noticed me at the tire store and my car was done for 45 minutes before i found out.

15) i had been away from work for precisely 4 hours and still had a 45 min drive back.

16) as i pulled onto the highway, i realized it was 4.30 pm and i was driving with all the commuting traffic out of boston. that explained a few things.

17) the sky turned black, locusts swarmed, and the next big holy hail storm cells approached.

i called brz, who told me to get off at the next exit and come wait out the storms at his office. he gave me a laptop, coffee, and fig newtons. and a hug and some sympathy. which induces me to recount the few good parts of my day:

1) fig newtons
2) brz came and had lunch with me while i waited for my car
3) coffee
4) i did not cry. yet.

happy fucking monday!!!!