of personal growth

i can't be the only person out there who, in the course of every single day, imagines, anticipates, and acts out a multitude of interpersonal conflicts that never occur. whether it be the woman driving the middle lane whom i suspect might swerve into me, or the liquor store clerk who takes too long studying my ID and might deny me my purchase, or the homework i didn't do completely and the professor who might call me on it in the middle of class to embarrass me - i think about them all, and what i would retort, and play out the scene in my mind. 99% of the time, it doesn't happen at all and i go through life pleasantly surprised at how easily i can deal with most people, and mentally lauding them for taking the path of least resistance for us both.

then there are the times where i'm in my own little world and didn't see it coming. tonight at the complex gym, where there are nearly no dumbbells between 5 and 20 pounds to speak of, a rather fit and buff woman wearing makeup (strike one) and tight pink spandex (strike two) had been hogging the only set of 10 lbs. when she put them back, i pounced and set up my 6 dumbbells of 20-10-8 for all my drop sets. just as i was huffing at the end of my reps of 20's and about to reach for the 10s, she comes over and says, 'can i have the 10's please,' in a very non-question like manner that implies she is just notifying me before taking them. i'm like, 'just a sec, i swear i'll be done with them in like a minute,' and rather than shinking away as i expected, she's like, 'look dude, you have 3 sets of weights, come on.' with as much disgust as i have ever heard myself muster, i hissed, 'FINE just TAKE them then, go ahead!!' and she's all, 'thank you for sharing,' in a half sarcastic tone, and i said something to the extent of 'like you were sharing them before?' but i don't remember because i was too pissed.

first i wanted to say to the man working out near us, who was doubtless thanking his lucky stars that he was single or that his wife bore only sons because holy shit, are women cunts to each other, 'man, i guess her drop sets take fucking precedence over mine or something,' i felt so huffy. but after another 20 min of lifting i hit the bike, and thought to myself, if she's still here when i'm done, i'm going to go talk to her, becase we're adults and this is just not how the world should be if one can help it.

so all sweaty and endorphin happy, i waltzed over to her where she was on the elliptical, smiled and made some sort of "i come in peace" gesture that also said "please take off your headphones so i can talk to you but don't worry, i am not going to bitch you out" (amazing, how can we follow all these nonverbal social clues so rapidly?), and said, 'hey i wanted to apologize, there was no need for me to have so much attitude with you before.' thankfully she seemed very relieved and said, 'no i totally understand, believe me, but really i still appreciate you coming over, it actually means a lot. it's good to see another woman rocking the freeweights.' then followed an introduction, a handshake, and a brief mutual gripe over how inadequate the gym's selection of dumbbells is and how she wrote to the management about it and i should do the same. and we left with a 'see you around here next time!' and smiles.

so what do i want, congratulations for being mature? not really. it just sucks when you get trampled by random people and it pisses you off but you're too polite to say anything, and you spend the rest of the evening coming up with the insults you would have used if you'd had the sack at the time; and it also sucks when you walk away from something knowing you've been a throbbing cock to a stranger and there's no way to apologize now, and for all you know, they just went home and were mean to someone else because of how you were to them. so i'd say this was the best case scenario: i wasn't afraid to let someone know of my displeasure for fear it would cause a conflict, and then i wasn't afraid to be the bigger person and admit that it got blown out of proportion and apologize. and now i have a new friend at the gym.