open automotive letter
dear car,
no, i'm too upset to call you 'steve' right now. we need to have a talk.
things have not been going well recently. first there was the failed inspection; that was not your fault, i know that flex joint was old and leaky. then there was the cracked windshield; i know we waited forever to fix that. and then when the new one broke, while i would chastise you for having such fiercely spring-loaded wiper arms, i can't really blame you for that either.
then there was the ear-bleeding rattle after this weekend's install. we outsmarted you there; a little exhaust wrap repositioning and re-torquing of nuts and it was solved. but such little swaybar clearance? what a design flaw.
what takes the cake was whatever part you spit out onto I-290 when i was late for class this morning. and then the horrendous noise and stinky exhaust gases that prompted me to drive home in this cold with the windows open. i mean, really. after all your father and i have done for you recently - new headers and downpipe, premium oil and filters, and new plugs for christmas. how many other cars your age do you know who get these things? hmm? all i'm asking for is a little effort on your part. you have another brand new windshield. i'm broke, and tired. your antics have driven me to eating too much chocolate and crackers, is that what you want?
so come on now. enough tomfoolery; let's weld this puppy back together and pass inspection. better late then never! there are no quitters in this family!
3 Comments:
The pipe clearance by the swaybar wasn't his fault, though... it's aftermarket. =P
7:24 PM
Not to show my age or anything, but "Steve" is only iffily appropriate for any mark other than Austin.
The other Steve I knew was owned by a friend a long time ago, an Austin America, with the 6-speed semi-automatic transmission. The transmission decided to eat itself one sunny day, producing an ear-splitting modulating whine not unlike a siren. We happened to pass a radar cop, who decided that we were "illegally using a siren," pulled out and turned his own on to stop us. All other traffic pulled way, way over when the two loud sirens came their way.
We eventually noticed the following cruiser (couldn't hear it) and pulled over, and we all had a good laugh over the incident, as bewildered motorists wondered if it was OK to drive past our two parked cars.
8:44 PM
mein auto steve is an exception; we named him after the extremely helpful, most awesome agent at the bethpage, NY DMV office who made it possible for us to begin the lengthy process of purchasing a car in NY for registration in NH. it was pretty epic.
since then, several waitstaff and bartenders have been deemed "steve-worthy" and earned a new epithet through their competence. it's a legacy thing.
9:32 AM
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