infectious disease

i hate using sick time for actual sickness. it's really hard for me to get up in the morning and determine that nope; it's no use going to work today; i can't imagine being on my feet for 8 hours, and i'd probably pass out before i even hit the pike on the way in.
usually my physical condition meets one of the following requirements in order for me to consider staying home:

projectile vomit or diarrhea, bonus for both simultaneously
a high enough fever to make me forget my date of birth and social security number
coughing up lung butter so hard or frequently, it makes me cry
a broken bone or soft tissue injury which utterly impairs operation of a motor vehicle

other than that, i'm pretty much going to work.

so imagine my surprise today when there was no question in my mind that i was going to call out for a mere urinary tract infection (i could just say "for some pussy UTI," but that is just too punny). i mean so you drink extra water and bite down on something hard when you take a whiz, what's so impossible about that? there are plentiful stalls at work in the ladies room.
but no; i was unwilling to venture more than 20' from the bathroom, with its monolith of F1, racecar engineering, and GRM magazines atop the back of the toilet. i could survive for days.

so after my perilous journey to the doctor, i'm downing mega-strength bactrim and phenazopyridine (makes your pee turn electric orange! wheee!!!). i think i've had a fever all day; when i'm not moaning in discomfort and gesturing rudely at whatever's on tv, i'm phasing in and out of a fitful sleep, which is better than standing up, when my headache makes me want to die. my heating pad has become my security blanket. the thought of food seems silly - why are there so many different types of food? what, like i'm supposed to get excited about ingesting any of this?

so holy infection, batman - this shit really sucks. it's the first time i've been down for the count from a lousy infection and not some suburban morph of daycare ebola. i have a new respect for my immune system and the wild ride it's got me on. yee-haw.