FYI

in order that you may avail yourself of the burden of asking/trying to care, i did *indeed* take the GRE this weekend.

it did not go well. i bombed the math, and aced the verbal (big surprise there). i have not yet figured out if i did so abysmally as to preclude admission to any school, but i'll keep you posted. i may even mentally flagellate myself by re-taking it as a reflexive christmas gift; we'll see.

so anyway, consider yourself informed, and if you don't know me all that well, i'm fine (thanks to half a box of chips ahoy last night) and i would respond much better to jokes about my dwindling intellect and the paucity of my abilities than i would to heartfelt sympathy... being somewhat of an ass myself.

if you wish to make a donation to the "iterum!" fund to pay for a second 3-hour session of head-and-brick-wall-banging, details will be forthcoming.

T minus 1 week

i'm tired. and my hands are kind of banged up. but steve, he has new rotors and pads all around, newer front calipers with less of the seized, a new nut on the endlink where once, there was none; and best ghetto-rigged exhaust ever, compliments of kz.
should pass inspection now; we'll know on wednesday.

it's less than 7 days away now, that GRE-juggernaut. and i should be studying but instead, i have had what i'll call an unblinking consciousness; a deer-in-the-headlight paralysis of the stress response. and i don't mind at all; i'm so tired of thinking about it, i embrace its passing. much like i embraced pizza and beer last night. i find my current serial inaction in the grad school application process almost as exhilirating as the teeth-grinding, sphincter-clenching frenzy i've exhibited up till now. the clock, it keeps on ticking and my, there's always something else to do. from one task to the next, sleep in or sleep not, this is how life slips by.

So hot...

want to touch the hiney...

NB:

you can indeed taste the $2 savings in a cheaper bottle of shiraz.

it's called acid reflux.

come sail away

full moon, pms. left work early to get an inspection at pep boys, went something like:

me: i have an appointment for a 4.30 inspection.
PB: yeah?
me: it's 4.30.
PB: well he's like really backed up right now, it's going to be a while
me: so not 4.30 then.
PB: well no, like a few hours.
me: no.
PB: can you come back like, some other time when we're not backed up?
me: can i schedule an appointment for sometime when you're not backed up?
PB: sure!
me: ok, then why was i scheduled for today, if you are backed up?
PB: oh um, this happens like all the time, let's reschedule
me: do you even know what the purpose of an appointment is?

then i drove home and got stuck behind the slowest pickup truck ev4r; if it has to do 0.5 mph over speedbumps it must be a bitch offroading. then i almost hit him when we were trying to park because he did that "i'm going to turn right because i want to park left" thing. and i wanted to get out of the car and wait for him to ask me what in tarnation my hurry was and why i nearly reamed him and i really wanted to say, 'because you were driving so slow i thought you were going backwards; my bad.' instead i fumed inside my car before going to the office to replace my lost key (another adventure: 7 pm sunday night, me and kz, walmart hardware dept, duplicate keys made by a twitchy muttering veteran who smelled like pee. then they didn't work on the doors).

red wine, chocolate and uber salty pretzels, you heal all wounds.

just for fun

a pointless quiz i wrote to waste your time and test your loyalty!

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

burninate!!

this image courtesy of sephro.


it's me in my birthday viking horns burninating the countryside.

which i sort of felt like doing today. considering i got about 3.5 hours of sleep and am pretty hungover, the day started well with a 5.30 am stint on the potty that allowed me to finish half of the new playboy issue in one sitting. and my drive to work was empty; didn't hit my brakes once going past 290. things were looking bright and sunny till my coffee turned out to be not french vanilla. and i had to do 8 hours' worth of work before noon so i could attend ITretard training all afternoon. and then i cut my lip on foil trying to pop gum out of the package into my mouth, and it bled forever and made me look like an angry dragon indeed. all things considered, i'm actually in a pretty good mood. thank you to tcitb kids for a great post-birthday bash last night. i can't wait to see all the inappropriately erotic balloon photos.

turnpike trepidity

just at lunch today, i was telling people i had decided i was never going to flick off a fellow motorist again. the other day a soccer mom gave me a 30-second rigid bird with shaking for emphasis just for trying to pass her on the right. when i shot it back it didn't make me feel any better; just empty. after all, that's someone's mom and wife, even if she is a dumb cunt who can't drive for shit. so i decided to cease and desist, although i don't do it often. less than once a month even.

but today i was taking my offramp from 495 onto 3 N and a large grey SUV without lights on (at dusk) came barreling over the grassy median; they had apparently overshot the rt 3 splits, probably trying to save the rainforest or like, tow a family of reindeer out of danger. so imagine pulling a U into oncoming traffic, over dirt and median and curbage, at speeds of 50+. and then demanding to force-merge into my little 2400 pound car. newp.

i looked at them in bewilderment, trying to ascertain their diagonal speed and if they would cream me or not. in those brief few seconds we made eye contact; 2 self-assured young men in business attire, laughing and applauding themselves at their amusing offroading. my finger rose ceremoniously, stretching from the joint upwards like a beacon of righteousness, and their once mirthful visages were transformed into masks of disbelief and chagrin. i sped off happily, having set the world right for a final time.

but no; they peeled away from the other exit and decided to follow me instead. perhaps they wanted to apologize for their tomfoolery? not willing to take the chance, i played leapfrog through the 3N merge, losing them easily in my nimble little golf cart. later on in the melee of rush hour i thought i saw their headlights approaching, so i did what any proud, self-righteous citizen would do. i took of my vest, let down my hair, donned my sunglasses, and pretended i was definitely NOT that girl that had just told them, "hey you're number one!"

so i have indeed forsaken the use of my median digit. not because it's wrong, and not because it makes the world an angry place; but because i am a big pussy.

birthday loot

when i was in grade school and birthdays were super important, nobody ever came to mine cause i was a big fat know-it-all geek with huge glasses. so it was pretty sweet to have over 20 nesic kids show up to my birthday dinner at our favorite indian restaurant. i got all sorts of presents, which i totally didn't expect. you kind of figure that after like 17 or so, the presents dwindle into nothingness until you reach an age where fancy wine openers and electric footwarmers become appropriate.

but this year my mems made me a kickass sweater, my coworkers took me out for mexican and let me order the big expensive drink, kz renewed my F1 subscription, and people brought all sorts of awesomeness to the dinner. i got a sweet die-case renault R25, some crazy original artwork, a super charged dunkies card (yay!) bitchin microbrews, andouille shipped fron NOLA, and a horned viking hat and sword (holy shit, am i that transparent? i guess so. i love toys!)

so it was awesome; unfortunately my visions of the afterparty weren't quite realized. i'd stocked the fridge with lots o'beer and bought chips galore, anticipating a swill-fest of snacky projector movie madness until 4 am or so. instead, i passed out 10 minutes into 'tron,' not a single beer warming my belly. and most of my friends were tired from a long week of hard work, and had no complaints about heading home a little past midnight. i'm telling you, it really is happening. you get old.

QUARTER CENTURY

holy ass! i'm 25 today!!!!

and i haven't been this excited about a berfday since i was about 10. cause i have way more friends now and they will actually *come* to my party!

i'm not making transparencies for my meeting *cause it's my birthday*
i'm not going to a 2-hour R&D presentation from 3 to 5 *cause it's my birthday*
i'm not paying for my margarita at lunch *cause it's my birthday*
it's ok to show up to my next meeting smelling of tequila *cause it's my birthday*
i'm leaving work early *cause it's my birthday*

i don't even care about presents anymore, that's how i can tell i'm finally a grown-up; i just want to see my friends and have me get all the attention. horray for maturity! although i'm hoping i'll get a set of jumper cables. and really, if i have any wealthy patrons of whom i was previously unaware, feel free to send me gap gift cards. cause i've been on a "pay for grad school apps and get out of debt by 2030" budget and i haven't been shopping in forever AND I'M GOING CRAZY! thank you :)