spring cleaning

about time, mr.bigglesworth. i finally changed/updated my sidebar to accurately represent what i actually do need for my car, and which vehicles i am currently dry-humping in my sleep.

i swear the links work now too.

highlight of the day: picking up half a dozen ny-style bagels from an honest brooklyn bagelry in framingham. still searching for a real deli.
happy friday.

scientific advancement

today i made an important discovery.

they put slits in lab coats at the level of your pant pockets on either side. you'd think this is to allow you to reach your keys, wallet, etc...but no.

it's so you can pick your wedgies in stealth mode.

tgif

you know it's friday when...

half a guinness at lunch makes you all silly enough to talk salaries

route 9 is moving faster than 495

you have the good fortune to discover what happens when CV grease and melted duct tape adhesive mix and get all over your hands...

thank god for cable.

owned

ok, so y'all went ahead and picked a pope while i was busy bitching.

ratzinger in the house...go germany...representin.

yep.

religious experience

sorry for the dry spell...like everybody else in this country, i've been tied to the tube, rapt as i watch CNN's coverage of this year's paramount news story: picking the pope.
i'm kidding right? natch. please, people of the red states, find something else to do and help us bring real news back. you know, like kitchen rag-wearing swarthy minions blowing each other to bits, a few house fires in revere or brockton, michael jackson's latest pajama pattern...i used to find it so mundane. but now, day after day of watching all the popefuls, i have found the new zenith of somnolent stories, of soporific sagas. PJP, rest in peace yo, but jesus christ...vote and be done with it. i understand you can't unleash the white smoke on day 1 (wouldn't that be a pope pas?), but let's get the cardinals crackin.

speaking of religious experiences, on friday last, i was sitting at a stop light on my way home from work. before i can hear it, i see a streak of lightning yellow approaching around the bend. a fluorescent zephyr of utter sexiness, the elise corners flat in front of me. my mouth drops open and involuntarily, my arm shoots skyward and my hand forms the "rock on" horns of automotive love. i drove home with a grin that lasted all of 495.

corporate coffee SOP

DOC#GBP-MC-001/00

Proper Brewing of Caffeinated Beverages Suitable for Imbibing

1.0 Document Approval
1.1 I have reviewed this document and find it to be accurate and complete.
-Sabominator

2.0 Purpose
2.1 Current coffee selections in the break room are unsatisfactory for those with beverage requirements including unsweetened, hi-test caffeine products which do not taste like ass.

3.0 Scope
3.1 This procedure applies to sabominator on a PMS or tension-headache basis.

4.0 Definitions
4.1 GBP – Good Brewing Practices
4.2 MC – Making Coffee
4.3 SM – Swiss Miss
4.4 CM – Coffee Machine
4.5 WC – Weak Crap

5.0 Materials

5.1 Reagents
5.1.1. 2x Swiss Miss sugar-free packets
5.1.2. Whole Milk
5.1.3. 3x Shots Espresso

5.2 Equipment
5.2.1. Dorky pyrex coffee mug with molecular structure of caffeine illustration.
5.2.2. Microwave that takes twice as long to heat as any other existing microwave.
5.2.3. Dream 500 “coffee” maker.
5.2.4. Spoon.

6.0 Procedure
6.1 General Considerations
6.1.1. This is to be carried out only by a trained caffeine addict. It is recommended to ensure that no hot pizza cheese burns have been sustained on the roof of one’s mouth, as this significantly hinders enjoyment of the beverage.

6.2 Preparation
6.2.1. Tear open swiss miss packs. Add to cup, saturating with <~100 ml milk.
6.2.2. Stir out clumps.
6.2.3. Fill to ¾ volume with milk.
6.2.4. Microwave 2 min.
*concurrent step*
6.2.5. Brew 3 espresso shots in a row, annoying non-english speakers in line who lack the vocabulary to protest.

6.2.6. Add to chocolate concoction.
6.2.7. Sit in antisocial corner under fake tree plant, pretending to read.
6.2.8. Enjoy.