grocery apocalypse

waited in line for over 20 min for a waddling woman and her unfortuantely fat, carrot-headed schoolgirl daughter to buy 8 sets of 3 rolls of scott toilet paper for $1.20 savings. maybe they need the money to eat? and then she argued over the specified flavor of marie's salad dressing she was attempting to purchase with a coupon for a different flavor. i was about to offer to give her the damn dollar if she would just shut her whiskery, slobbering maw and waddle out to her minivan and shun herself from my existence. but the new tv's they have at shaw's were so strident and distracting, i marely sighed like every other slow-line patron fixture.

as i surveyed my conveyor belt of veggies, i noticed the very large cucumber i was about to purchase. i think maybe i had a rough day because my mind wandered and i daydreamed of, what if this cucumber was really a huge bomb, like full of c4? and when that woman bends over to pick up the penny she's dropped 3 times, i rammed it up her bum and she went *kaboom* and showered the store with bits and pieces of miserly meat, but i was protected from the spray by the big loud tv set? hmmmm.

but no, she just wasted 10 more minutes of my life and i limped back with my aching knees and shoulder to my car, whose brakes are dragging again, to schlep my groceries up to my messy house, to lie around and try to relax and get a good night's sleep while tossing and turning thinking about my application deadlines. i bet i would have felt a lot better if i had just blown the bitch up.