turnpike trepidity

just at lunch today, i was telling people i had decided i was never going to flick off a fellow motorist again. the other day a soccer mom gave me a 30-second rigid bird with shaking for emphasis just for trying to pass her on the right. when i shot it back it didn't make me feel any better; just empty. after all, that's someone's mom and wife, even if she is a dumb cunt who can't drive for shit. so i decided to cease and desist, although i don't do it often. less than once a month even.

but today i was taking my offramp from 495 onto 3 N and a large grey SUV without lights on (at dusk) came barreling over the grassy median; they had apparently overshot the rt 3 splits, probably trying to save the rainforest or like, tow a family of reindeer out of danger. so imagine pulling a U into oncoming traffic, over dirt and median and curbage, at speeds of 50+. and then demanding to force-merge into my little 2400 pound car. newp.

i looked at them in bewilderment, trying to ascertain their diagonal speed and if they would cream me or not. in those brief few seconds we made eye contact; 2 self-assured young men in business attire, laughing and applauding themselves at their amusing offroading. my finger rose ceremoniously, stretching from the joint upwards like a beacon of righteousness, and their once mirthful visages were transformed into masks of disbelief and chagrin. i sped off happily, having set the world right for a final time.

but no; they peeled away from the other exit and decided to follow me instead. perhaps they wanted to apologize for their tomfoolery? not willing to take the chance, i played leapfrog through the 3N merge, losing them easily in my nimble little golf cart. later on in the melee of rush hour i thought i saw their headlights approaching, so i did what any proud, self-righteous citizen would do. i took of my vest, let down my hair, donned my sunglasses, and pretended i was definitely NOT that girl that had just told them, "hey you're number one!"

so i have indeed forsaken the use of my median digit. not because it's wrong, and not because it makes the world an angry place; but because i am a big pussy.