it's all related: god, poo, and graffiti

yeah so my blog is borked, i know - i'll fix it soon, it's on my list...right under "get a job," and "make computer function again."

i am convinced that god has complete control over the musical selection for tunes which get stuck in your head. and he uses it to punish me for thinking things like, 'freaking A, move your pompous woolen-overcoated businessman keester out of my way and let me get off the train before i smite you with hate, asstard!' and the heavenly omnipotent jukebox says, i wonder how she'll respond to a little alanis morissette...that's right, sinner, one hand in your pocket...how does it feel? hm?? you like that now? yeah!

and you know you're a creature of habit when one morning, you diverge from your normal routine out of necessity (e.g., last night's spicy thai and this morning's copious cup of coffee) and make a pit stop at the gas station a mile or so from the commuter train parking lot. my my, we've never done this before, isn't it deviant? how long will it take? what time will we end up at the station, and which lot will be full? goodness, all the variables. it's like being in a gwyneth paltrow movie.

and once i got to the train station, it came on the opposite side (did my bathroom break cause that? a butterfly flaps its wings and whatnot?). one of the large metal boxes housing electrical things underneath the train was covered in thick dirt, upon which someone had finger-scrawled, "i exist through my needs." apparently, for this emo kid, his needs included skulking about a train yard under cover of night and writing covert messages to morning commuters. what an existence.

Tofurkey day

while i dine on roasted dead bird carcass today, i will definitely be thinking of all the vegetarians who wrote in to the metro this past week, damning people like me for our wanton ingestion of god's creatures, the sheer land mass required to support our dirty carnivorous habits, and all the evil byproducts like methane which are nicht umweltbefreundlich (that's german, it means bad, it's just real long).

sometimes i almost wish my international friends a happy thanksgiving and then go, oh yeah, you don't have one of those...to you it's just a silly nascent nation and another neophyte holiday...but to us it's all about overeating and outbaking and grabbing the last thing of nutmeg at shaw's and making piecrusts without a rolling pin and being unyielding in horrible traffic...and then being thankful that we have the selfishness, excess wealth, and freedom to do it all just the way we want to.

america...fuck yeah!

cash and prizes

sabominator's workplace propriety tip #429:
be cautious about how you place your two clementines and rather large banana on the lunchroom table. it could easily be misconstrued.

slow like old people

so my lack of postage hasn't been because i've been like, away from my computer. oh no. but it's BROKEN and being pink won't save it.

this past week i have performed upwards of 10 backalley paperclip shutdowns of my candy-colored imac at work. it doesn't like any web browsers or email or word or...anything. my hamster is totally dead.

so we did some reformatting, some reinstalling OS 9 (go ahead and laugh, it's like an old horse bound for the glue factory). updates, backups, restores, blah blah - do i sound like i understand? cause i don't. all i know is the magic has left and i can't do anything i want to do (buy sneakers, post on blog, chat on irc, read sr20forum, waste time) or need to do (update data, email contacts, search FOR A FREAKING JOB)...

the "tech support" people showed up and tried to help. they can't type as fast as i can, how smart can they be? so now i'm left with netscape communicator 4 point your mom slow as ass something version, borked eudora (but i finally have the piggies instead of the mailman, which is like the only positive thing to transpire all week), and less of my soul. i don't know what to do anymore. but, i did get about 2 weeks' worth of experiments done in 2 days. i bet it has nothing to do with it.

so the tech guys were like, yeah how much does your boss like you? can you get him to buy you a new emac or something? and i was like, yeah, ha, i bet that would be real nice except I WON'T BE WORKING HERE MUCH LONGER SO IT'S RATHER MOOT BUT I REALLY NEED TO FIND A JOB SO I CAN FEED MYSELF AND PAY MY STUDENT LOANS BEFORE THE VULTURES PICK MY BONES SO WON'T YOU JUST FIX MY IMAC GRAHHHWHAAA. or like, something to that effect.

prophetic

ok, so ashcroft resigned and arafat is dead.

will i always get whatever i wish for on my birthday?

apparently, jesus DOES listen. thanks, dude.

crunchies!

this weekend had teh happy. kz came home late friday night and we were super lazy all day saturday. i think there was much CSI watching to be done.

saturday night we got together with some of the car-related cool kids at on the border, where mayhem ensued as we attempted to get seated and commence with caloric intake in a timely fashion. i thoroughly enjoyed my margaritas and ate little, which may explain the hot jalapeno hell i experienced the next morning (i read through half of car and driver. yeah it was *that* involved). but my carvel cake, WITH CRUNCHIES in the middle, trumped all - we even decorated it on my trunk in the parking lot of shaw's. pictures coming soon.

sunday morning we had cake, reprise, for breakfast as a hearty base to an unseasonably warm afternoon dedicated to installing my suspension, at long last. eternal gratitude to iggdawg and james for their assistance and unparalleled company at outback that evening (the waitress totally wanted james). so, lessons learned:

-crunchies are the zenith of culinary comestibles

-cake does not = +2 energy for automotive endeavors

-all 8 servings of a dorito/sunchip/cheesypoof mix, however, will provide brief energy recovery

-ian's phone likes salad

-a good suspension = happy morning commute >>>>all things

sabominator is pleased. life is good.

the little things

my internal focus this morning was on how little things can make or break your day, depending on the importance you ascribe to them.

since i was in my girly, puerile "it's my birthday...who cares but yay!!" mood, events which normally would have set my black moods in motion seemed barely to register.
like, that every pair of my jeans didn't fit right this morning, and i definitely had a 'bad underwear' day (guys: this is when some fairy gnome comes in the middle of the night and replaces your favorite boyshorts with a pair identical in appearance, but which has magical wedgie-causing powers for one day only, just to toy with you). or that there had been a derailment on the D line, so i had to wait for a shuttle to take me to another station to reboard the T. or that the bus driver got lost in newton for 45 minutes. or that the metro crossword clues were published with the wrong grid (there goes a central component of my OCD commuter ritual).

all of that i just shrugged off. i heard some chatty women singing happy birthday to an embarrassed guy. on any other day i would have thought they were downright damaged. today i said, 'hey, happy birthday! it's my birthday too!' they asked me my name and then the entire bus sang happy birthday to me. i pulled my hat down over my face to hide, but underneath i was grinning. any other day i would have been like, dammit now i got bits of fleece in my mouth.

so it's my hope that i can hang on to today's patina of optimism, stretch it out as long as it lasts, and remember that i'm capable of making it appear on more than one day a year.

young adults' letters to god

dear god,

since today is my birthday, i was wondering if you could do something for me.

also since you let bush get elected yesterday, i would think it would be no big deal...

could you please take arafat (he's in france, i'm sure you already know that) - i think he's real sick anyway. please put us - i mean him - out of his misery.

and also could you please make sure that ashcroft really does resign. i think his wife needs him at home and our country is generous enough to spare him for domestic duties.

um...that's all for now...like i said, you let bush get elected so - i think you still owe me some. i'll get back to you.

thank you,

sabominator

ps - i am 24 today.

anybody got a shovel?

cause i'm retreating into my rabbit hole for the next 4 years.