it's the site of sabs for the metrowest matriarch...so droll, it's dumb; so piquant, so prolix, it's against the laws of physics...

sabominator@sabominator.com

Friday, July 23, 2004

caveat emptor

20 years down the line, or sooner if we get national ID cards...

PEOPLEFAX - personal history report

Welcome to PEOPLEFAX! Did you know you can access important information about the person you're interested in, simply by providing their PIN (accepted for all national bank chains and credit cards)?
Simply type the PIN in the box below, check off type of report desired, and click submit for your free, 1-page sample report! For an additional $29.95, you may purchase an in-depth, 10 page complete history!

PIN: _ _ _ _ - _ _ _ _ - _ _ _ _

type of report:
-prospective employer/employee
-prospective student or faculty member
-prospective mate or in-laws
-other (certain states allow customized reports based on all information available to PEOPLEFAX; call your local office for details).

[SUBMIT]

Congratulations! This person is in our date-a-base:

PEOPLEFAX Person History Report(TM)

Sample Report - prospective mate information related to person with PIN xxxx-xxxx-7105

(Disclaimer: A PEOPLEFAX personal history report is based only on information supplied to PEOPLEFAX. Other information about this person, including problems, may not have been reported to PEOPLEFAX. Use this report as one important tool, along with sound judgment and a familiarization period consisting of one or more dates, to make a better decision about your next significant other).

PEOPLEFAX Report Summary

Good News - Person qualifies for the PEOPLEFAX date-back guarantee!
-no severe problems (cheating, sex change, domestic abuse, stalking, prostitution, or cross-dressing) were ever reported by an ex for this PERSON XXXX-XXXX-7105. If you find that any of these severe problems were included in a police report and not included in this report, PEOPLEFAX will refund the cost of your date(s) and any therapy charges for resulting emotional distress!
(You must REGISTER to activate this free guarantee!)

PEOPLEFAX Talking History
The story of this PERSON XXXX-XXXX-7105 according to our interpretation of the information reported to PEOPLEFAX:

-This person has had 3 ex-boyfriends and was dated in Connecticut and Massachusetts. The first date for this person was reported to PEOPLEFAX by a TGIFriday's in Connecticut in 1992.

-They were involved in minor drama concerning two kegs and another woman on a college campus in 2001; no charges were filed.

-They have no reported total-loss events, like full braces, overprotective parents, undue emotional baggage, or prescriptions for anti-psychotic drugs.

-They have consistent mileage history with no indication of having been around the block. They were dated an average of 0.25 times a year, which is lower than the National Average of 3.2 times a year. The last reading, reported on 12/3/03, was 3 ex-boyfriends.

-They have not been reported to PEOPLEFAX as a dateback (loser).

For the complete Detailed Personal History, including:
-favorite foods and ice cream flavors
-fetishes and neuroses
-personal hygiene habits
-credit report and stores frequented
-childhood nickname and photos from the school play

CLICK HERE NOW!

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