an ageless question

as a scientist, i'm baffled.

while the following implies that i regularly break the OSHA code by wearing sandals to a lab with a radiation license, i swear it's all hypothetical.

so when i (i mean, you) wear flip-flops all summer long, from a variety of manufacturers and with a broad array of footbed composition, with data points from all over the pricing spectrum, you'll notice that any given pair of flip flops will, someday when you least expect it and when it's most likely to sound like a fart noise at a bad time, squeak when you walk in them.

all flip flops squeak, eventually. and it's not like you reach a certain amount of wear upon whence you overcome the threshold of quietude and squeak thereafter. no; some flip flops will squeak one day, then not the following. they will squeak when it's raining, cloudy or sunny. they will squeak when you tip toe, walk brusquely, or run to catch the train. they will squeak whether your feet are dry, cracked, clammy or covered in spilled ice cream. and then, the same flip flops, under any of these conditions, will also not squeak at all.

which leads me to my scientific conclusions.
first, if flip flops squeak, and no one is around to hear them, you still paid too much for them.

second, as a corollary to heisenberg, no two pairs of flip flops can be squeaking on the same feet at the same time, or you are a mutant.

and third, you will forever be a slave to these random noise emissions, as flip flop squeakage is utterly unpredictable.

kind of like women.